Hello friends,
I hope this new year finds you with renewed energy and genuine excitement for what lies ahead.
We just got back from a short but very well-timed vacation where I was able to reflect on the past year and final months of 2024. What a few months it has been. I don’t know about you, but the last 3 months of 2024 were hard. Life was very busy lifing. I found myself overscheduled and overcapacity (a place I’m rather well acquainted with) as I was sprinting to the end of the year with my Q4 plan on track. That’s when life said, “Hold up!”
My family got hit with not one, but multiple big, difficult life events. I’m not gonna lie. There was very little about the last 3 months that was easy. It was overwhelming and very stressful. Add to that my initial refusal to slow down and it was a recipe for additional (and unnecessary) hardship.
I was in the process of launching a group coaching program and working with several clients. But life wasn’t messing around, nor was it open to discussion. Life forced my hand (aka. gave me the gift of perspective), and I had to let several things go, including my resistance.
Instead of trying to fight it, I eventually surrendered to it. Accepting “what is” sounds so beautifully simple, doesn’t it? It took many attempts on my part to get there but I did let go of the program launch. I stopped accepting new clients. I said no – a lot.
It wasn’t so much of a choice as it was a realization that I just didn’t have the capacity to do anything else. And, interestingly, there was something very freeing in that. It created more space for me to be present, right where I was.
It wasn’t my plan. But it was my reality. I could have chosen to continue resisting it, pushing my agenda forward (it was a very nice plan if I do say so myself), but it would have burnt me out and broken me down.
When I stopped fighting and finally met my situation with acceptance, everything shifted. I adjusted my plans and was able to focus on what was right in front of me, namely my family.
I remember thinking at one point that I was out of integrity because I didn’t push through and launch my program. I had shared publicly that I was going to do this and then suddenly, I wasn’t. It deeply bothered me.
With some time and the help of some tools I use in my coaching practice, I realized that while I didn’t launch the program at that specific time, I was in integrity, just with something else.
I was in integrity with my values around family. Having more time with the people I love is one of the reasons I went into business for myself in the first place. As soon as I recognized that, I was able to let go of the pressure I had been putting on myself and be more present for my loved ones who were going through extremely difficult circumstances.
My ego was using this experience to beat myself up. My essence, or deeper wisdom, was inviting me to look more closely at what was really going on.
Every part of us – our resistance, procrastination, fear – is serving us on some level, otherwise, it wouldn’t be present. When we understand how it’s trying to serve us, that’s when we can change our relationship with it and bring more ease into our lives.
If you’re feeling stuck with a part of yourself in resistance or anything else, and want a tool to support you through it, here are some reflection prompts to help you expand beyond it. This is based on a tool developed by one of my teachers, Alyssa Nobriga.
~ Expansion Tool ~
1. What block is getting in the way of you moving forward?
For instance, are you experiencing resistance, procrastination, perfectionism, people-pleasing, etc.?
2. What are your judgments around that?
For example, if I’m not doing ‘it all,’ I’m being lazy. Or if I don’t get it ‘right’, I’m not good enough to be in this role.
3. What’s your relationship with this block? When it comes up, what do you tend to do? Ie. Do you believe your judgment? Do you shut down? Do you distract yourself by focusing on anything other than what you’re trying to accomplish?
Take your time here and reflect on any patterns you may be noticing.
4. How effective has this strategy been for you? (Hint: usually, it’s not working for us at all 😉
Now for the important part…
5. How is this block trying to serve you? While it may be ineffective, how do you imagine it is trying to help you? What does it want for you?
For example, by not feeling good enough, it wants to be sure I work extra hard to get it perfect. Because if I get it just right, then I’ll feel safe or competent or appreciated… (add yours here).
What this block wants for us is our deeper desire. That’s what wants to be uncovered.
6. What’s a new strategy to attain your deeper desire without using the block as the ineffective approach to get there? So, instead of being so critical of myself for not doing it all and then judging the pattern, I can create a different game plan based on the new circumstances I’m facing. And I can be compassionate with that part of me that is overly critical, appreciating it has been trying to serve me in its own (albeit ineffective) way.
If you’re willing to change your relationship with the block – to be more compassionate towards it (and yourself) and see that it’s just trying to serve you – you can create a new strategy to move forward without the block holding you back.
Don’t take my word for it. Experiment and test out the approach for the next few days. See if you not only feel better but also make more progress towards your goal as a result. I’d love to hear what insights come forward for you.
If you’d like more support working through this process, book a free Discovery Call and I’ll be happy to guide you through it.
Until next time,
Sonja
